You know, one of my favorite topics to chat about, are the people in our lives who are no longer in our lives. And I don't mean those people that pop in and out, I mean the people that literally DISAPPEAR from your REALITY. Have you ever stopped to think about the people who disappeared so completely from your life that all you can remember is the shirt that guy wore, or the strange way you met that interesting woman?
The only thing more interesting than thinking about the people that have been wiped from your reality, are the rare occasions when they come back into your reality from out of no where.
This morning was one of those days for me. I had spent all night last night studying up on my new Ultimate Edge Kit from the Anthony Robbins Institute and was putting my new knowledge into practice. Just as Tony suggested, the first thing I did this morning was change the way I got out of bed in the morning. This will be a great story for any of you whom think I've ever been trying to portray myself as perfect - because far from that, my life has just as many issues as the next person. The only difference between my life and those whom have yet to develop an Epic Strategy with me, is that in most I choose the Quality of my Challenges, instead of letting my challenges choose me.
In any case, the challenge I chose this morning was to follow Tony's advice to start my day with MOTION. To JUMP right out of bed in the morning, immediately throw my shoes on and head right out the door for a morning walk. Now normally, my walks are at the end of the day, if and when I'm not already to exhausted to go on those walks. So I have to admit that it took me some time last night to convince myself that my pitiful attempts at holding onto the "pain" of having to get up in the morning and be so active - where just plain silly, but eventually I did it, and I went to bed convinced that the next morning was going to be easy.
And you know what? It WAS! I even rolled around in bed for a few minutes before I realized I wasn't supposed to be hesitating, at which point I jumped out of bed and found my shoes. Heck, it wasn't even until I got back into the house from my walk that I realized it was only 9:15 in the morning. I was sure that my 'hesitation' had caused me to lose time, and it was so beautiful outside I couldn't see it being anywhere before 11am.
Anyways, the time a day is nothing other than a small goal for me, though what was more interesting was what happened on the way. And I swear it was less than 5 minutes after I took that "me" time, to do what I NEEDED to be doing and stop "shoulding all over myself", that I came across a woman and her son sitting in front of my neighbors house. Of course she waved right at me and asked how I was doing, though I tell you what - I HAD NO IDEA WHO SHE WAS.
It took me a few minutes in the conversation to realize that this woman who was so happy to see me, used to be one of my neighbors. Though to tell you the truth, I didn't know she wasn't my neighbor anymore! I thought she still lived in the house on the other side of our back fence. When she lived there she wasn't very social, and I only remember her because we talked a few times when my son wanted to invite her son to come over and play, and both times she said no. After that I never saw her out there again, which didn't provide for many opportunities to chat or try to get our kids together.
Still, even as I remember who she was, I found myself absolutely amazed that a women who once held the persona of a can-do stay-at-home-mom taking care of the kids, baking cookies and making sure the house stays together - was no suddenly dressed in a sweater two times to big for her, and looked like she had been sleeping in her car. Now I'm not judging, I have met and worked with people from every walk of life, and I've had times when I've had to live out of my vehicle as well. I'm simply trying to give you the idea for just how powerfully your thoughts can transform you - in both good and bad ways.
You see, I usually only talk about those who took up their own bootstraps and made it to the top, or clients that go from the top to the TIP, though I feel it's important to recognize just how powerful your mind really is.
It wasn't until after chatting with my former neighbor, that I learned that she was now living three cities away, no longer in a relationship with her ex (who is still my neighbor in the back) and is now struggling to make ends meet. Yet every day she gets up from her place and drives the 45 minute drive to her ex's house to take care of his son and get him to the bus stop on our street just before 9 am EVERY MORNING.
And that was something I just didn't understand. How was it that this woman went from being right where she wanted to be, to being someone who was giving more than she really had to offer, to a guy who was no longer willing to do the same for her. She was happy to tell me that it saved him from taking his son to a day care every morning, which saved him money, but in the SAME sentence told me that she was worried about how she was going to make ends meet on her own rent! Does that make any sense?
Now I am no stranger to the crazy things we do for love, I've got a whole list full of crazy love moves (some the succeeded, others than didn't), though I've learned throughout the years that there are ways to gain the favor of those who hold the apple of our eyes, and there are ways to just make ourselves feel more like crap. We women in particular, have a way of knocking ourselves right off of our lofty relationship pedestals in 0-60 seconds flat when we suddenly don't feel confident in our abilities to maintain ourselves or the relationship anymore.
Now, being the inquisitive person that I was, after having a nice morning chat with my former-neighbor, we got around to the point where I asked her what her plan where. I wanted to know what she planned to do about her rent, and if she had considered even doing a morning kid care service for us parents in the neighborhood or if she had thought about any other ways to pick herself up again. Being that I knew her before she had transformed into this woman of "can't do", I knew that she already had it in her to succeed, it was simply of matter of finding out WHY she was choosing not to.
After several rounds of "I don't know" and "I'm confused about what to do..." I finally asked for her number and told her I would send her a text when I got back into the house, which I did about 15 minutes later. Amazingly enough, after I sent her that text she told me that she was excited to text me later when she got home and hoped a had a fabulous Friday until then, which was a major improvement from the conversation we were having earlier. Of course, texting being texting, I have no idea if she was blowing smoke in both of our asses or if she was being authentic, though I have a feeling it was more than just fluff this time around. Only time will tell if I can inspire her to keep up that attitude.
Anyways, I wanted to tell you about this experience because it highlights two very important aspects of transformation. The first is the power of POSITIVE transformation - myself being one example - taking the time to create a daily ritual that is just for me, that is all about doing what I NEED to do for my body, mind and soul. That sort of ritual is something that all successful people have developed, and YES, it can be something as simple as a 15 to 30 minute walk around your neighborhood. My former neighbor, curiously enough, represents both positive AND negative transformation. In her state at the moment that we ran into each other, she was depressed, upset and exhausted - which is her current natural state of negativity. It's the state that LITERALLY drives her to be a fantastic woman for a man that wants little to do with her in any meaningful way, and it's what is keeping her from transforming in a positive way. Yet because my transformation happened to coincide with the decisions that have lead her to park on the corner of our street every morning to wait with her ex's son at his bus stop, a change occurred.
As you'll find, I've always been a person who is amazed by questions and the reactions that occur in people when you ask them various questions. I could tell that although she wasn't fond of my idea to open a morning kid care service in our area since she was already up here every morning, but I could also tell that she had suddenly started focusing on other things she could be doing while up her or along her trip home, and it was in that moment that I really recognized that I knew her former self. You see, it's amazing how quickly you can transform from one state to the next. Anyone can take their life's blueprint in less than a minute, yet most of us only do so in times of challenge and adversity. Either way, it's ALWAYS powerful and it always has a major effect on us. The real question isn't "if" or "when" you'll change, adjust or transform your blueprint or state - it is HOW you will decide to do those things.
I look forward to seeing my former-neighbor Monday morning as I make my now regular morning rounds around the neighborhood. This time I'm going to make sure to bring a plastic bag with me, as there were several pieces of teenager garbage flying around near people's beautiful gardens, and I think I'll bring out some muffin's and find out what flavor my former-neighbor enjoys the most and getting to know her better on a personal level, as I know very well there is a lot more meaning in her life and in my own for her to just continue to be "my former-neighbor". You never know, she could become the next best selling author of a book about Love.